Many Moving Pieces

At this time of the year, there are always many moving pieces, any one of which has the potential to cause problems in my home. Naturally, many of these are somehow related to my wife.

At this time in the school year, my daughters have just received their report cards for the 1st marking period. YD did remarkably well, and OD did quite well also. There is a brief lull for YD, but since OD is in her junior year, the work never stops. Yesterday I had to wake her early on a non-school-day to take a practice SAT test. Meanwhile, OD did her regular homework, so that she has time to work on 2 projects during the balance of the weekend. OD also has at least 1 project to work on this weekend.

But my wife is where the most excitement enters the picture. There is the routine holiday anxiety and mood swings that I deal with most years. This year, there is also the fact that its been about 6 months since my wife stopped going to see her personal trainer. She has worked out about twice in that time, while also loosening up her dietary intake (a lot!). The results are predictable: weight gain and muscle loss. So when I pressed her last night to say how she felt, the answer was FAT. This also plays into my wife’s mood (as it does for most people). And my wife has also started taking medicine for a sleeping disorder that was causing her to not get the most benefit from the sleep she was getting. I was flushed with optimism that this would solve quite a few difficulties here, including her ability to nap almost anywhere and anytime, but like any new medicine, we are waiting to fully see how it works. It had been awhile, but this morning I noticed the sleep disorder issues were back (albeit minor).

Thanksgiving was relaxing this year, although not as big an occasion as usual. My mother was sick, and so my parents decided, wisely, to stay home. Since my brother and wife were both working Wednesday and Friday, my brother and his GF stayed home as well. This left my immediate family to celebrate together. While I enjoyed this, my daughters missed the routine of having visitors for Thanksgiving.

Hunting for College

My oldest daughter is in her junior year of high school, which means its time to start looking at colleges. Her (our) year will be filled with SAT review classes, SATs, PSATs, college open houses and visitations, when she isn’t studying hard in her Advanced Placement classes (and hopefully her others, too). It’s shaping up to be every bit as busy as I had heard it was.

One bright spot is how willing my wife is to help in this process. Many times in the past I have complained, or commented, on my wife’s lack of involvement in our children’s lives. And in the past, this has very much been the truth. But there have been certain areas, including when OD got her first period, that OD felt more comfortable dealing with my wife, and my wife stepped up and became the primary parent involved with OD. This is one of those times, and OD went to visit her first college yesterday with my wife. It was a good visit, and OD was more excited and engaged than my wife had seen her in quite some time. It was a small liberal arts college in a fairly rural area, and my wife and OD found some interesting things to do after the campus tour. They were gone all day, and returned exhausted but happy.

I felt a little envious that OD has chosen to do this with my wife, but also know that my wife’s schedule may preclude her from going on all the campus visits. I ask myself why OD prefers to go with my wife, and I’m not sure I have an answer that rings true, but there may be many factors at work. And it doesn’t matter that much so long as one of us is able to take OD to where she needs to go. If that’s mostly my wife, than its mostly my wife. And I’m happy to be backup.

Living in the Moment

Its been such a long time since I last posted that i almost feel an obligation to explain what happened to curtail my posting.

Almost.

Life has been pretty good in these parts. My wife and I have had frequent, and good, sex whenever our schedules, and the presence of daughters, allows. I’ve seen some live music, and I’ve helped my wife buy a used motorcycle. I’ve ridden it when she broke it and needed to get it home, and I rode it to the shop to get parts. I’ve exercised, and played guitar. I’ve nursed two sick daughters back to health. I’ve told my wife how appreciative I’ve been feeling to have the family I have.

And I’ve been living more “in the moment” and analyzing things less. I’ve often lived by the adage “the unexamined life is not worth living” rather than a more Zen philosophy. And while I haven’t turned Buddhist, I have been psycho-analyzing myself much less. in fact, not at all. Its hard to know how much this has had an affect on my happiness levels, but i have been quite happy as I head to a large milestone birthday. I’m pretty content. And while I am certain I will have things to post in the future, it just hasn’t been high on my list.

But seeing how quick i am able to jot off a post making note of my mental state (in this case, excellent), I’ll be back sooner rather than later.

Coming in Threes

They say bad things come in threes. I’m hoping not.

On Thursday night, my wife was very tired. SHe was preparing to go to bed, and went to the bathroom. Within minutes, she fell asleep while sitting on the toilet and woke up when her face hit the floor. Thankfully, nothing was broken.

On Friday night, my wife was on call and again, very tired. She was in bed relaxing with a candle burning. She got a call from the pharmacy at work, and needed to write down a phone number. While rummaging in her bedside table for a pen, her hair dipped into the candle and caught fire. The stench was awful. She wasn’t hurt, although we had to do quite a bit of cleanup.

Today we went out and bought her a small motorcycle. It doesn’t take much imagination to think of something bad that would be the third thing.

But I’m hoping we don’t follow that old wives tale.

My Wife Loves Anal Sex

Lately, my wife can’t seem to get enough anal sex. This is a dramatic change from most of our relationship. Up until the last year or so my wife wouldn’t let me go near that territory. We had anal sex once in the first 18 years of our marriage, and my wife hated it. A lot of the blame falls to her high school boyfriend who was a wrestler. To keep him as her boyfriend, because he was so cool and popular, my wife put up with a lot of activities that were common in the 1970’s, but are considered illegal today. This included reluctantly allowing him to have rough anal sex with her. Today, we might call it rape.

I, on the other hand, have always been attracted to anal sex. Back in the 1980s, when hardcore porn came in magazines bought in sleazy book stores with no windows along industrial highways, I bought titles that often included anal sex. Some of the attraction is the “forbidden” nature of the act, at least for someone growing up in an age when not every movie included it.

For the past several months, my wife and I have had sex quite regularly. Its been very god sex, not even considering the fact that we’ve been having sex for almost 25 years. As I’ve written previously, my wife has an interest in me having sex with her friend, who is in a sexually-unfulfilling marriage (I’m being charitable). But she also has fantasies of having a three-way with the chairman of her group and I. For many reasons, that seems like a particularly bad idea to me. I think I’ve done a good job of articulating to her most of these problems, and she is gradually accepting that some fantasies are better left as fantasies. But the issue of a threesome is something she has been interested in at other times, and her fantasy always includes two men making love to her.

So perhaps it is a result of her fantasies of double penetration. Perhaps it is a logical progression for someone looking to add other things to their sexual pleasure. But my wife definitely likes anal sex. In the past, we had anal sex in the doggie position, as she felt more comfortable that she could make a quick exit if anything felt sore. But about one week ago, after a long bout of me playing with her pussy and ass with a combination of fingers and toys, I finished off with anal sex in the missionary position. And most recently, a session ended with my dick in her ass once again, only after she had what could most easily be describes as a 10-minute long constant orgasm (if there even is such a thing). My wife experienced feelings similar to an orgasm, and made all the noises I normally associate with her orgasms. Only instead of the usual eventual shudder and pulling away in hyper-sensitivity that signals I shouldn’t touch her for a brief period, she just kept on going. When it was over, nobody was more surprised than her at her capacity to “come” for that long a period.

So things are going well here in our sex life. We both seem happy with where we are. My wife recently bought us a book on Tantra (something new to try!). And I can’t help be reminded that, even in my 20’s, my best sex has always been with women in their 40s!

Recovery

I’m slowly feeling better. I can’t believe its been three weeks since I felt too sick to get in my normal workout, and this morning was the first time I exercised in all that time. My cough is still with me, although barely noticeable (or is it just that I am so used to it by now?) . I’ve used over-the-counter cough suppresants, and expectorants, to no avail. I’ve tried a prescription cough supressant pill, but it only gave me headaches. And through it all, I’ve done almost everything I normally do (except for that amusement park trip).

My wife has been thrown for a loop due to my illness. She worries about me on those rare times that I get sick. This time has been no different. Although there has been one big difference: starting about 1 week back we resumed having torrid sex. Last weekend we even had sex three times, which is highly unusual. One particular highlight was my daughter coming to the locked bedroom door to complain about a belly ache, just as my wife was getting off. Fortunately for her, she was mostly done. Alas, I wasn’t, but I was so tired that I wasn’t able to stay awake while she cared for YD.

I’m back to everything I used to do, but I still cough and I have a slight pain high in my chest. I came very close to calling my doctor this morning, but decided to do it tomorrow morning if I don’t feel better by then. I don’t want to go another weekend without seeing someone besides my wife.

Amusement Park Failure

It was a little more than one week ago that I learned that YD was determined to go to the amusement park / water park before school resumes after LAbor Day. We talked, and her determination quickly became clear. And based on my wife’s schedule for the rest of the summer, it was equally certain that I would be the one taking YD, along with OD and probably one YD friend, to the park. I admitted that going to the amusement park wasn’t high on my list of things to do before school started, but was willing to talk about the best days to make the trip. I ruled out last Tuesday, because I had a group fitness class that I had committed to, and paid for. Much of the rest of the week we ruled out because of weather. As the week progressed, and the weather forecast changed, we eventually settled on today.

Unfortunately, over the weekend I came down with a cold. I rarely get sick, so its not one of the things we plan for around here. But its been a stuffy head, coughing cold that has recently moved into my chest, with a louder more insistent and dry cough, without losing the stuffy head. As today got closer, I set the stage for possibly not going. OD’s reaction was typical: she was upset that she had started getting up earlier (than 3 PM) since it was obvious we wouldn’t be going. YD reacted with positive thoughts: of course you’ll be better by tomorrow, she cheerfully proclaimed. My family nursed me all yesterday: hot tea, cough lozenges, soup.

Alas, like the previous several mornings, I woke up in bed feeling pretty good. But as I introduced fluids, in the form of water and coffee, into my body, my head quickly clogged and my cough returned. As my body continued its morning decline, it became painfully aware that I shouldn’t make the trip. I braced myself for telling YD. I knew her alarm was set for around 8 AM, so I went up to her room around 5 minutes earlier. I lay down in her bed alongside her and put my arm around her. Much like my wife, she grabbed my arm and cuddled up close to me. We lay in bed together, silent except for my occasional sniffling and coughing.

At 8:00, her alarm went off. She jumped from bed, turned off the alarm, turned to me and said “Daddy! How do you feel this morning?!?” And that’s when I realized she hadn’t heard me coughing. That she had been soundly sleeping that entire time. And so it was with a heavy heart that I said “Nit much better, I’m afraid. I’m still stuffed up and coughing”. And then I told her how sorry I was that I wasn’t better enough to take her to the amusement park. We agreed that she should call her friend and let her no we wouldn’t be going. And I suggested she return to sleep, which she has.

But it has been a very sad start to my day. I’m trying not to criticize my decision to not have taken her last Tuesday, when I was healthy enough to go to my exercise class. But the emotion for this morning is definitely sadness.